It's SO HOT in IOWA!

It's SO HOT in IOWA...
... The birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
... The trees are whistling for the dogs.
... The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
... Hot water comes from both taps.
... You can make sun tea instantly.
... The temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly.
... You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron
... You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
... You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. 
... You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
... You break into a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30AM!
... You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. 
... The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
... The cows are giving evaporated milk.
... Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. 

It's SO DRY in IOWA.. that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Lutherans are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!